Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize