The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
40s are totally the cure
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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