with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
