I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
