Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
