and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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