Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i don't like sucking hair
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
