NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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