You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
