addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
