At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
