kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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