What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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