Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
