Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
