It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
