the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize