Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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