Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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