Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
