Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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