I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
