we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
