It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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