I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
