the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i drank out of a bidet.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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