I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
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