I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
