it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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