Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
