Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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