dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Success! We fucked roommates!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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