youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am spending my child support on dildos
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wear drunk well.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
