Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I checked into jail on foursquare
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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