It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
