If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
