Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
