North Korea, Best Korea!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
