you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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