I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
