...so i touched it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
