I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
