Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
