6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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