Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
