Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
