Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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