I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
