lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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