Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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