Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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