I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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