i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
