Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
