Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
