You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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