i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
