Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
