I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
babies were throwing up all over the place
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!