Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.