Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
