my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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