I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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