I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
