Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
