They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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