Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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