saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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