mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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