Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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