i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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