I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
