Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
