I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
