Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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