as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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