She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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