I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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