no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
