I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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