It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize