It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
