so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
