just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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