just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
