Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
