my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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